My Night

1.) Whoever invented Champagne and Vodka was a freak of nature.
2.) If you served me drinks last night you should be arrested because I could barely even slur out Charpagnas and vewdkah.
3.) Blacking out is funny sometimes.
-side note, blacking out for the majority of your night and spending $60 on god knows what is not.
4.) I never want to drink again.
5.) I really never want to drink again.
6.) I will probably drink tonight.
7.) I think I have a problem.

The story goes like this.
-Went out to drinks with a friend (planned to meet up with others at the bar).
-Got drunk off of vodka in a water bottle in an ally outside the bar (my sustenance of the evening).
- Went to bar #2.
-Proceeded to drink X number of shots and champagne vodka's.
- Had terrible bowel movements in the clubs bathroom.
-Also bar #2, please put locks on the doors.... not o.k. to have an open free for all on me amidst what can only be described as a near death experience.
-Drank more.
-Met a guy with a stripped hat (Don't know his name because for the rest of the night I called him Zebra).
-Zebra kept telling me how fabbbboulous my friend and I were.... awktastic.
-Met other people on a platform like area (raised 3 feet from the dance floor.... I think at one point I actually layed my torso on the platform, kicked up and rolled onto the area because I was to lazy to just make a big step)...... I feel like that was the clubs sign to kick me out.
-Remember seeing peoples faces.
-Then not.
-Then woke up in the most beautiful apartment in San Francisco.

Dear person with great apartment: I feel like I was so drunk I did not talk but rather just swayed back and forth during what must have been a conversation. In the morning when we did make conversation that I remember,, we talked about what I talked about last night.... which means you did understand my bedraggled speech. I apologize for the offensive things I said (because I know I probably weird weird stuff not even appropriate with the closest of friends).

Side note: Sorry friend for losing you. My phone died and if I did answer it it would probably make you think I was on the verge of death amongst grumbles and a possible drugging. Also sorry someone stole your phone and you had to wait until 8am with homeless people in the BART station to catch the first train... you know Tyra Banks lived homeless for a day. Cool?