Gollum Reincarnated

Suggestion: thinking of shots of vodka while running on an upset stomach is suicide.

Therefore: I apologize for the Lord of the rings character people witnessed on the side of the trail retching up his insides.

And: Thank the young mom with the cute baby who asked if I was alright.

Onnnnn a lighter note here are some things that I have been looking at in order to further procrastinate from my midterm tomorrow.

Jinja Safari

Jinja Safari - 'Peter Pan' from Jinja Safari on Vimeo.

My Night

1.) Whoever invented Champagne and Vodka was a freak of nature.
2.) If you served me drinks last night you should be arrested because I could barely even slur out Charpagnas and vewdkah.
3.) Blacking out is funny sometimes.
-side note, blacking out for the majority of your night and spending $60 on god knows what is not.
4.) I never want to drink again.
5.) I really never want to drink again.
6.) I will probably drink tonight.
7.) I think I have a problem.

The story goes like this.
-Went out to drinks with a friend (planned to meet up with others at the bar).
-Got drunk off of vodka in a water bottle in an ally outside the bar (my sustenance of the evening).
- Went to bar #2.
-Proceeded to drink X number of shots and champagne vodka's.
- Had terrible bowel movements in the clubs bathroom.
-Also bar #2, please put locks on the doors.... not o.k. to have an open free for all on me amidst what can only be described as a near death experience.
-Drank more.
-Met a guy with a stripped hat (Don't know his name because for the rest of the night I called him Zebra).
-Zebra kept telling me how fabbbboulous my friend and I were.... awktastic.
-Met other people on a platform like area (raised 3 feet from the dance floor.... I think at one point I actually layed my torso on the platform, kicked up and rolled onto the area because I was to lazy to just make a big step)...... I feel like that was the clubs sign to kick me out.
-Remember seeing peoples faces.
-Then not.
-Then woke up in the most beautiful apartment in San Francisco.

Dear person with great apartment: I feel like I was so drunk I did not talk but rather just swayed back and forth during what must have been a conversation. In the morning when we did make conversation that I remember,, we talked about what I talked about last night.... which means you did understand my bedraggled speech. I apologize for the offensive things I said (because I know I probably weird weird stuff not even appropriate with the closest of friends).

Side note: Sorry friend for losing you. My phone died and if I did answer it it would probably make you think I was on the verge of death amongst grumbles and a possible drugging. Also sorry someone stole your phone and you had to wait until 8am with homeless people in the BART station to catch the first train... you know Tyra Banks lived homeless for a day. Cool?

5 Reasons Why I HATE Public Bathrooms

1.) They smell like rotten butt flesh.

2.) They always seems to be abnormally humid.

3.) You stick to every surface making it a horrid task to open stall doors and bathroom doors.

4.) Everyone is uncomfortably silent and seems to be on edge.

5.) 50% of the time there is someone taking a poop in the stall next to you with no shame (aka loudly).

They are so dirty. I feel like I am diseased after them. HOWEVER, I have decided that it is best to get all the sicknesses and infections now, so that I build up a strong immunity when I am old and weak...... if I survive that long. So, in an effort to protect myself later, I enter these bacterial breeding grounds.

Things I Love

Back in Action

Dear world,

It has been months since I last blogged soooo it is about time that the world was filled in (aka all 1 of you):

1.) Moved locations to South Melbourne

2.) Caught a Seagull

3.) Felt the heat of 112 F in a city

Moved in down the city, obsessed. Minus the homeless man that I have to walk by at my tram stop to get home..... He lives in a small shelter like house near the stop. I walk past and when he is awake, and not scratching his skin nearly off, he seems as though he might murder me with his stink eye. The apartment is amazing though.

So it was so hot the other day I nearly melted. That is about all you need to know about that. Ps. don't buy the spray deodorant..... it does not work in extreme conditions which I, and the rest of the tram, found out when I lifted my arm.

In terms of the seagull I am 99% sure that I need to get tested for diseases. Me, thinking it looked soft (I may have had a couple of drinks... for you to decide) found one and managed to catch it....... I could barely stand and put one foot in front of the other yet I managed to catch a seagull..... I know. So I pet it until it bit me really hard. I woke up in the morning and there was a small cut on my hand..... most likely teaming with bacteria and viruses ready for a kill. Same night, I decided hide and seek was a great game to play with my much more coherent friend Rachel (she wasn't playing)..... I hid....... she found me crouching in an alley doorway...... smelled like piss and vomit....... most likely was riddled with disease. I honestly need to go and get checked by the doctor.

Ps. Seagulls are soft..... like really soft.

Looks more fun when your drunk. Huh?

Melbourne Fashion Week

Who would have known that Melbourne Fashion week was such a bust. I thought that it was supposed to show the "new" fashion for this spring. Most of the clothing was bland and the show that I saw was not all that inspiring.

There was, however, a winner in the bunch. HOWEVER, the girl below was AMAZING! Although you cannot see her at all (because my camera went WACK through the entire show). But I will find her and then post a good picture of her.

I did, however, get time to spend with some friends and drink classy boxed wine at a back alley Chinese retaurant! Good times. But the fashi

on show, overall was a big fat BUST! Who would have thought that Melbourne would have a really bad fashion show? Weeeeeelllll it happened (at least for one of the shows, I can not speak for the other shows).

Other then that today I woke up and went to Collingwood for the first time (a suburb of Melbourne) to meet up with peeps. It was very fun. Birdman eating (on the corner of Smith and Gertrude) and then a walk up Smith Street. Good day Jose.

Birdman Eating

Smith Street

Melbourne Fashion Week

Deeeeeeee-pressing. I was all excited to see the new fashion of Melbourne but was sad to say that everything seemed bland